Santa’s In Trouble – A Satire

Jolly Ol’ St Nick is the picture of rounded goodness and that has some doctor’s worried.

“Mr Clause has been obese for some time now and it’s all belly fat. Recent studies have shown belly fat is the best indicator for potential heart problems.” Said Dr Mitsy Jingle, chief elf doctor to Santa. He also noted Santa has been overweight for nearly 200 years.

His rapidly accelerating weight gain is attributed to the rise in bakery products containing refined sugars and flours around the mid-1800s. Indeed, before this, Santa was the picture of health: slim, tall and walking or riding his reindeer wherever he went. He ate a diet rich in local, fresh foods and lots of vegetables.

After the mid-1800s, manufacturing of food products ushered in a golden age of food distribution. Unfortunately, we didn’t know about vitamins and minerals yet and how processing of food destroys most of them. Millions died of nutrient deficiency diseases before we realized what was happening.

Today, this brings about other health problems. The more recent tradition of leaving out cookies and milk for Santa is contributing to his obesity and declining health. Millions of cookies and thousands of gallons of milk are consumed in one night alone. Eating the vast amounts of sugar is a leading cause of type 2 diabetes.

Dr Jingle went on to say: “So far the magic of the north pole is keeping Mr Claus from having any serious health issues, but we fear if this continues, it’s only a matter of time before we have problems.”

Elvin Nutritionist Glida Twinkle makes a few suggestions to help keep Santa healthy this year:

Try a hot peppermint tea instead of milk this year. Peppermint keeps you warm in cold weather and can keep you awake. It’s also really tasty.

Keep giving carrots and oats to the reindeer. They are packed with heart healthy fibers and lots of Vitamin A. Vitamin A, especially the beta-carotene, will help the reindeer see better at night. It also works really good for people and elves, too, so eat lots of carrots.

Make 100% whole wheat cookies and fruit treats for Santa’s snacks. He misses these old-time treats and they are much healthier. Whole wheat has tons of fiber and fruits are always healthy. Try adding some walnuts, dark chocolate and cranberries to an old-fashioned molasses cookie as healthy alternative to the too sugary chocolate chip.

The 16th century version of Kris Kringle was the picture of health, tall, robust and strong. He was a leader and role model for children and generous as well. He handed out oranges and limes in the cold winter months. Let’s follow this Santa and be healthy, too!

Source by Christina Major


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