Before we adopted our son, he had already been through eight counselors, physicians and specialists. My son had been in counseling since he was five years old, and we adopted him at the age of eleven. After adopting our son, we continued down the same path, adding more counselors, physicians, and even more specialists. Nothing changed. Nothing got better.
We needed an Adoption Reinvention! We were dying! Our son was dying! And everything we were doing wasn’t working! Ever been there? Maybe you are exactly at this point in your adoption journey? Let me give you a new idea, a new option for you and your adopted children. Accept the Disorders.
Do you want to continue to live in your car driving your adopted child to specialists and physicians who cannot fix Attachment Disorder? Do you want to continue to spend your time with counselors who cannot fix their Eating Disorder or Self-Mutilation? Go ahead, keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. Wait a minute, that’s the definition of “Insanity”.
We choose to not go insane. We choose to not spend our lives with doctors and specialists and counselors who cannot help us or our child. We choose to accept the disorders and live with them. We choose to understand and know that we will never fix our child, only he can choose to attach, to eat, to stop picking his skin. Only our son can choose to be better, make better choices and live his life.
It is so freeing to accept the disorders! It places the responsibility of living upon my son, and takes the burden of making sure he lives off of us! Of course, we give him safety, we provide an environment for success by offering him clothes, food, shelter, love and his meds. But we can only do so much! Our son must make the decision to live.
Mommy isn’t always going to be there to make sure he took his meds this morning. Daddy isn’t always going to show up to make sure he showed up for work. There will be failures, there may be stints in the psych ward, eating disorder clinic and he may lose a few jobs. It’s not my job to make sure our son never fails, it’s my job to make sure he accepts his disorders and owns them.
Have you accepted the disorder or are you spending your entire adoption journey trying to “fix” and “change” and “get rid of”. Stop! Just accept.
When you accept the adoption disorders that present themselves in your own adoption family, you will learn to enjoy and love in a different way, a better way. Your adoption can be a success when you acknowledge and accept. You don’t own them, but accept them.